I have been on so many internet dates, well, let's just say, if they went well, I wouldn't be writing this post. Good and bad dates are just a part of life, and the bad ones just make it interesting. I wasn't always for internet dating, and when my friends hopped on this bandwagon, I thought they were all nuts. But as one of my best friends always told me, "Hannah, you're on there, they are normal guys on there", however, I never find them. Instead, I get guys who lecture me when I oppose coming to their house to watch movies on a first date or who try and break it off with the kidnapping of their mom. Those are just some extreme scenarios, I did meet a guy for coffee once, and he was nice and a gentleman, but I got the vibe would be better as friends.
Dating has always been confusing, especially for me. I feel like it's just gets worse as technology is evolving. Now, you can Facebook-stalk a guy before the first date. But, when you do that you have to act surprised when he tells you about his recent trip or his dog.The purpose of this post isn't to bash anyone I have met through apps or dated recently. In fact, each of these dates has taught me something, even the extreme cases.
Not All Guys are Bad
If you go into a date thinking this guy is probably a jerk and have your guard up, the date probably isn't going to go so well. Truth of the matter is not all guys are jerks and not all guys are the same. Some will be jerks, that's inevitable. But starting your date off on the wrong foot isn't going to help the situation either. In fact, the guy I met for coffee was actually really nice and I had a good time, but there was no chemistry.
First Dates in Public Places
The first internet date I went on, I tried to convince my best friend to come too and sit a different table. At the time, it sounded like a great idea. I even came up with a hand signal for her to come get me if the date went bad. While she thought I was crazy for wanting to take this route, but you never know who you are meeting, and I have seen too many episodes of catfish to be this naive. But if you agree to meet in a public place, you don't actually need a friend there. But if you feel safer, by all means, do whatever it takes to make you feel comfortable.
Be Smart and Trust Your Gut Instinct
I can't stress this enough. Use your best judgment. For example, one guy, I met through a dating app, seemed normal at first, but there was something I just couldn't place my finger on. After talking a little while longer, he wanted to meet up, and when I suggested coffee, he immediately responded with "I don't drink coffee" and he countered with "Why not just come back to my place and we can watch movies." Mind you, I have never met him before in person. He then got offend when I turned his invitation down, and I ultimately called off the date.
You Don't Owe Him Anything
You should never feel that you owe him something in return since he paid or since he took the time out of his day. Any guy that makes you feel bad because you won't, isn't worth your time. It is your body, so it is your say. Peer pressure while commonly associated with high school, still exists well into your 20's.
Keep an Open Mind
As Taylor Swift says "It's either going to last forever or it will go down in flames," which is true, you are either going to marry this guy eventually or you won't. But, keeping an open mind will just make the process smoother. This is something that I am still trying to work on, actually. I am a highly analytical person, so just going with the flow and keeping an open mind is something I have rarely done. But I found when I live in moment and only worry about the task at hand, my dates go so much smoother. For example, the coffee date guy, I mentioned earlier. It was super relaxed and fun.
Make a List
When my best friend originally told me to make a list of everything I wanted in a guy, I thought she was crazy. As much as it pains me to admit this, she was right. When you have a list in mind of your ideal partner, it makes dating easier. For example, you know what questions to ask on a first date. For me, I am afraid of spiders. So, if he is willing to kill them, that's a plus in my book. It also reminds me to never settle. For me, I rather be in a relationship with someone not only I respect, but he respects me in return.
Dating can be scary, but confidence is key. Just be yourself and have fun, and nothing else will matter. In time, you will find the right person and all these dates, good and bad, will not even matter anymore.