Growing Up Won't Bring Us Down

One thing that I have been struggling with recently is growing up. Recently, I woke up and I wasn't 12 going to softball practice, I wasn't 15 going to golf practice, I wasn't 17 going to voice lessons.

As my aunt recently said to me, "I never knew my own morality until my parents got sick" and frankly until after this summer, I didn't believe her. I never realized how old I truly was or where I was in life until this summer.

Realizing this sucks. But I am fortunate to caught it when I did. I still have much of my life ahead of me, and I haven't lost that much time, I am just not a child anymore. Although thanks to my Irish lineage that I still look like a child.

Funny thing is that life does go on, all those times in high school when I swore my life was over, whether a stupid boy had broken my heart, or I was stressing college prep.  Life certainly did not care, as it still went on, time was still moving forward.

Given my track record recently, I have figure that if I keep a positive attitude and keep looking forward, I most certainly will carry on. I will be a-okay in the long run.

Irony of life right now is I am looking for apartments to rent, and unfortunately I do not know where I will end up, but I am grateful to be here in this position. As one of my least favorite things to be told, "baby steps".

I guess my take away from this is that I hope, whoever is reading this, you do carry on and you don't let the sheer terror of being an adult scare you from living your dreams.

Because eventually, your "baby steps" will add up, and you will be somewhere least expected and it will be great and it will be magical.

"And no matter what we do, we'll never lose what we had growing up"  -John O'Callaghan

Light Versus Dark

I am terrified of the dark. I have always slept with some kind of light on, whether a night light or the television. Moreover, I always found space travel especially terrifying. How do the astronauts not get scared about being launched into the great unknown?

The sheer thought of other life out there is super concerning to me. How does one just, you know, accept that when they go to fix a space station or explore a planet? I guess not so much more since they dramatically cut the funding.

I don't think my fear actually has to do with the lack of light but more of what it represents. Having little-to-no idea of what I am doing, and having the freedom to do whatever my heart pleases, within reason obviously, is honestly terrifying, yet eye opening. If I have the freedom to do whatever, why am I not taking it? Is it because of my fear of the dark? It all just seems weird to me. 

But think of all the good things that happen in the dark; a bonfire with friends, fireworks, star gazing, concerts. As with anything you have to take the good with the bad, but why not take your fears and appreciate the good that comes with them.

A photo posted by Finding Hannah (@findinghannahsmusic) on Nov 8, 2016 at 5:17pm PST

Living your life in fear is no way to live. Hell, you are hardly living at all. I have had friends who canceled plans because they felt that going to the bar downtown wasn't safe. Even though Detroit now is not the same Detroit even 10 years ago. Sometimes, stepping out of your comfort zone is a good thing. 

I may be afraid of the dark for the rest of my life, but letting it stop me from experiencing fireworks or bonfires isn't the way I aspire to live. Life always goes on, and if you stop and dwell, it will pass you by. 

"I sometimes have a tendency to walk on the dark side" -J.K. Rowling 

Everything With Time

I am my harshest critic. I often critique my paintings and almost immediately find something I don't like and something I could have done better.  A growing frustration with myself.

But as I am often reminded, things will come with time. That I haven't peaked yet and I still have a lot to learn and to grow still. But growing up in this social media age has often left this need for competition in my life. I often compare myself to my peers and find myself with this constant struggle of wanting more before I am ready to handle more.

This adjustment to post-grad life is not easy. I go to work, I come from work, I do chores, and I repeat for the next five days. No homework, no studying, no school.  This new free time is something I am not familiar with.

Explode with color. #painting #rainbow #fireball #inspiredby #elleking #americassweetheart #love #music #albumart #albumartwork

A photo posted by Finding Hannah (@findinghannahsmusic) on Nov 4, 2016 at 6:55pm PDT

But everything will come with time. My time to shine just hasn't happened yet, and that is okay. I may not be in some form of educational institution at the moment, but that doesn't mean my learning has stopped. Knowledge is power, and a failure to continue to learn will only set you back.

I don't think there will never be a time I will not be hard on myself. It is simply part of my personality and my quest to be the best I can be. It is frustrating when I don't get there on the time table I have established. I will admit sometimes my time table is unrealistic, but nonetheless frustrating.

But one of the most influential people in my life said "Keep your head down, and keep going." With that piece of advice, I have kept going, some of which was through a dark time in my life. But nonetheless, I kept going.

So even if you feel like you are at your wits end, keep going. You will be surprised where you end up.


"Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day. Protracted and patient effort is needed to develop good character." - Heraclitus